I like to refer to it as the Suck-at-life-osis funk.
It's the funk that makes you feel like nothing is going right and you are powerless to change it. The funk that constantly lets you know how not cool you are.Unemployment plays into this funk. It has special funk-inducing powers, if you will.
When you are unemployed you begin to feel as though you are walking through life with a big badge attached to your chest that says "LOSER."
Sometimes you can't shake the funk.
That is how I have been feeling lately. Cursed with the unshakable funk.
I have been questioning every decision I have made since I moved out of my mother's house 6 years ago.
Was it right to get married? Would I have been happier if I hadn't gotten married or waited longer to get married?
What about my kids? Did I start too young?
Did I waste my time pursuing my B.A? Am I joke? Should I have taken that minimum wage gig at the movie theater 3 years ago?
I've also had loads of questions about my future.
When will I be independent?
Do I keep going to school? For what?
How do I help my family make progress in this game called life?
What's next? How do I get there? When will I stop being a joke?
Suck-at-life-osis can be overwhelming. It causes crankiness, overeating, and excessive sighing.
In all honesty, Suck-at-life-osis has done such a number on me lately that I avoid hanging out with friends because I feel like nothing positive is happening in my life and it embarrasses me. It's tough keeping Suck-at-life-osis at bay.
I have found that the best way to finally shake it loose is to remind myself that we make a choice everyday when it comes to our happiness.
Just like the choices I make to continue working on my marriage or to be the best mother I can be, I have to make a choice to cultivate happiness in not just my life but those around me. Seems like it should be a simple decision, but I can assure you that it is not.
It feels far easier to me to chose Suck-at-life-osis when things are looking less than great than to choose happiness. It just feels much more natural to let yourself feel depressed when the situation in your life is depressing. The cure for Suck-at-life-osis I have found varies from person to person. For some it might be that pint of B&J's, for others it might be a good book or movie, and some may find relief in a good nap. I find my relief in my family. How can you not chose happiness and laughter when your 3 year old daughter lets you know that she is beautiful as well as funny or your 11 month old son walks around the living room for the first time or your husband claims that he sweats like a polar bear (huh?). Life doesn't make perfect sense and because I haven't quite figured it out yet doesn't mean I suck at it.
We just simply learn as we go and what Suck-at-life-osis has taught me is that life can be hopeless if you focus on yourself but if you focus outside the box, things start to look up.
No comments:
Post a Comment