Awash in a Sea of Cover Letters

After a long weekend of recovery from my shocking results diagnostic surgery, I sat down Monday with my trusty laptop in search for a job. To the unemployed the job hunt can easily become the frustratingly resultless unending journey to find the Holy Grail, which in this case would be a well paying gig that doesn't require you to forfeit your dignity. I logged into the handiest of internet classifieds, craigslist and began taking down emails for potential job opportunities. I quickly came up with seven and began rewriting...and rewriting... and rewriting.... my cover letter yet again for each individual job posting. Phrases like "eye for details," "creative problem solver, " and "team player" were liberally sprinkled throughout each carefully drafted cover letter. Never has such an awkward piece of correspondence been so painstakingly analyzed by the writer and yet awkward remained. Cover letters surrounded me. Contact numbers and emails swirled above my head. Varying salutations and closings burned themselves into my eyelids so that with eyes closed shut they continued to haunt me. The stress was too much. I pathetically threw my hands up in surrender. If only I could get away with writing a cover letter that simply stated:

Dear Elusive Job,
I want you. I need you bad.
I need to feed my kids and put gas in my car and I will work my hardest for you with those goals in mind.
Please, give me a chance!!! Please!!!

But alas, you can not write such a desperate cover letter though desperate you maybe. Instead you are forced to write a generic and vague letter that is laughingly unconvincing in its attempt to prove that the job needs you more than you need it.